Pretending that we don't struggle doesn't make us stronger. And I have had to learn this lesson over and over again throughout my life. Pretending that I don't struggle doesn't make me stronger. But what it does do is isolates me. And that's what it does for you too. And isolation is where writers get stuck. Welcome to the Write It Scared podcast. I'm your host, Stacy Fraser, a formerly repressed creative soul, turned fiction writer, story editor, and author accelerator certified fiction book coach. At Write It Scared, we tell the truth about why writing a novel is so hard by acknowledging that most writers grapple with two stories: the one they want to put on the page to the best of their ability, and the often subconscious internal story that prevents them from doing it. This show is designed to help you identify and rewrite the internal narrative holding you back while you discover and write the story you want to tell and learn all the tools to help you do that successfully. Join me each week for a new episode where we'll talk about writing to deepen our understanding of the craft and of ourselves as writers. Writing a novel is an inside job that we do not do alone. Welcome to Red It Scared. I'm glad you're here. Let's dive in. Hi, writer. Welcome back to the Red It Scared podcast. I'm your host, Stacy Fraser, and this is where we talk about the brave and vulnerable act of writing our novels so that we can do it with more clarity, more confidence, and not feel so alone when it gets hard. Today's a solo episode, and we're going to talk about why it's not only okay to complain about writing, it's actually necessary. We just want to be careful who we complain to. So we'll get to that in a second, but first I wanted to share that I got my first fan mail for the podcast, and it was so very sweet. So for anyone who doesn't know, there's something called fan mail with the podcast hosting service that I use, and it allows you to send me a message to ask a question or make a comment. And I have never gotten anything until recently. The only problem is I can't respond directly to the person who sent the message in the platform. The only way I can respond is by coming on the podcast and addressing the question. So that's what I'm going to do today. So the fan mail I received was from Jedi in Maryland. And they said, Hi Stacy, I go by Jedi and I want to be a writer, but I struggle with short stories. Could there ever be an episode on how to write one? Thank you for reading and for the work that you do. Thank you so much for sending this over. It was a very sweet message and a great question. And absolutely, Jedi. There are two episodes on the podcast about that topic. The first is from season two, episode 53, with Demi Michelle Schwartz. And it was titled How Short Story Writing Can Make You a Stronger Novelist. And in that episode, we talk about the benefits of writing short stories and how to approach them. Demi shared a lot of great advice, and she is a very accomplished short story writer and just a delightful person. The other episode was from season three, episode 78, with guest Carmen Schwiliak. And the episode was titled From Am I Good Enough to I Believe in My Work? Carmen is also a successful short story writer and she shared a free resource called The Short Story Blueprint, which is a collection of questions to help you organize your thoughts on how to approach writing a short story. So I think those episodes would be very helpful to you. And Carmen's resource is linked in the show notes in episode 78. So thank you again, Jedi, for taking the time to send me a note and for asking the question. And just keep writing, keep practicing, keep playing. We all start from this place of unknowing, right? And we grow. And at some point along your journey, I recommend getting professional editorial feedback on your work because that's how we can recognize our strengths and our weaknesses and learn how to improve upon our writing. I wish you all the best. If anyone else wants to send me a question or suggestion, please use the fan mail link in the show notes, or you can just email me. My email address is Stacy at writeitscared.co. Okay, so now let's jump into our topic for the day. Why bitching about writing is necessary. We just gotta be careful who we bitch to. So a while ago, I had a pretty shitty writing week. And there must have been something in the air because that was true for many of my clients that week. And I remember on that particular Monday, I sat down and I drafted like something like 128 words that felt like absolute garbage. And so I texted one of my writing friends and I unloaded and I was like, oh my God, what's the point? I'm never gonna be done with this. It just feels like a waste. And surprise, she texted me back and said she was having the same type of feelings about her book. So what happened? We vented, we validated each other, and then we moved on and got back to work. And then the next day, during one of my group coaching calls for my small group book coaching cohort, none of those writers were having a particularly great start to their writing week either. And I just remembered the writers looking at me, we looked at each other, and we all just gave this huge collective sigh that said, Yep, this sucks right now, me too. So what happened? We commiserated and we laughed about the fact that we're all a bit crazy for being writers. And then we got back to work. So here's what I want you to take away from this. There's nothing wrong with complaining about writing from time to time. The work is hard. And no, it's not like we're digging ditches or something. But intellectually, this is hard work. Emotionally, it can be hard work. And sometimes it's just downright scary to show up to the page and try to create something out of nothing or tap into a place of discomfort inside of us and try to put that on the page. And we work really hard to try to make our stories the best they can be. And we wrestle with uncooperative characters and we hit plot walls and we get rejected, and we watch other writers have big wins while we might feel miles away from anything similar. And it can suck. So negative feelings are part of the deal. Now, those feelings are not always accurate, and I say that a lot. If you've been around, you've heard me say that feelings are not facts, but that doesn't mean that feelings aren't valid. My 128 words were not actual garbage, they weren't a waste. That was not a fact, right? It was how I felt about them. But my feelings were still real and they still needed somewhere to go. So that's the point. Pretending that we don't struggle doesn't make us stronger. And I have had to learn this lesson over and over again throughout my life. Pretending that I don't struggle doesn't make me stronger. But what it does do is isolates me. And that's what it does for you too. And isolation is where writers get stuck. This is where we sit and spin, where we get too afraid to actually open the laptop and look at the manuscript, where we stare at the blank page for a stupid long time and then come to the conclusion that the problem is us. This is where we hit the delete button more than any other key. And why we spend so much time rewriting those first three chapters and never moving forward. And then here's the thing: we don't have to do this alone. We don't need to experience our setbacks in a vacuum. We don't need to suck it up and pretend to be unbothered. We can be bothered together, and together we can get through it. This is the whole reason behind Write It Scared, behind the podcast, so that you have a place to go and listen to other writers share about their struggles and how they got through them, so that you can develop compassion and empathy for yourself and hope that you too can make it to the other side. And just know that you're not the only one experiencing this. And I hope through that you see the difference between complaining and wallowing. Complaining is not wallowing. I view complaining as an emotional release. And I tend to use a lot of swear words when I do it because that's cathartic for me. To me, it's how we clear the static so that we can get back to work. And that's the difference right there. Going back to the work is what makes complaining not wallowing. But there is a really big caveat here that I want to make sure that's on your radar. And that is that where you take your feelings matters. And this feels pretty obvious, right? But sometimes in things like writing, or if we're new to writing, we don't understand that and we get burnt. We don't understand that not everybody needs or deserves to know what we're writing. And unfortunately, there will be people, and some of those people love us. They are people in our daily lives who are just not going to understand the struggle. They are not going to understand what it's like to take your heart and try to write with it. They are not going to understand that our writing is our blood and our sweat and tears. Because they're not writers, and that's okay. But because they don't get it, they might minimize the struggle without meaning to. And then sadly, some may minimize it intentionally. And when we're in a tough spot with our writing, that is not the kind of response that we need. It doesn't lend us to developing thicker skin over time. Actually, I believe that it teaches us to second guess ourselves. So this situation came up recently with one of my private clients. And she was really anxious about what her friends and family might think about her writing. And she had shared what she'd written in the past with those people, and they had judged her. So I asked her a really simple question. I asked if she was writing this particular book for those people. And no surprise, she was not. And that led us into discussing something else that I believe is very important for every writer to develop, and that is the circle of trust. Knowing who is inside your writing circle of trust will help you determine who you can turn to for support, who you can share your big excitements with, who you can go to when you get a case of the it's not good enough and it's never going to be good enough. So I challenge you to define your circle of trust and have it there for when the writing gets hard. And one of the best strategies that I've come across on how to define it is just to imagine two circles, one's a little bit bigger than the other, and put them on top of each other. Outside of the big circle, that space represents anyone who would respond with anything other than a, oh my gosh, you're writing a book. That's so cool. Anyone who would say anything other than that, they go on the outside of the circle, and those people, they don't get to know anything about your writing. Zip. They can maybe know about the book when it's published. Now, inside the big circle, these are the people who will be generally supportive, but they don't necessarily need specifics. They can know that you write, but they don't need to know what or why. Now, inside the inner circle, these are the people who get to know some of the details of what you're writing. And you want to select these individuals very carefully. And you also want to tell them what you need. You want to set some boundaries and let them know that their only job is to offer support, encouragement, not commentary or critique unless you specifically ask for it. And those people inside that inner circle, those are the people you bitch to because they will get it. And if you don't have anyone who feels safe enough to do that with, then go find them. Be it with a group or a coach, find a writing community where honest feelings are welcome. Consider joining me and write it scared next season in the fall. And if you're not sure where to start in finding a writing community that fits you and will help you accomplish your goals, I have a podcast episode on that. I can't think of what it is off the top of my head, but I will find it and I will link it in the show notes. But I think it's titled Exactly That, How to Find a Writing Community That Works for You. The point is that the work that you're doing here, the writing, it's not easy. And you deserve somewhere to put the hard stuff. We all do. It's okay to complain. That's human and it's just part of the process. What matters is who you trust with your heart and your pen and that you come back to the work. Because I believe when we have that cathartic release with people we trust, it makes coming back to the work that we want to do easier. So I hope this episode was helpful to you. It's okay to bitch, just remember to bitch to the right people. If you don't have people to put in the inner circle, then that is the job. Find a community where your feelings are welcome. And so again, Jedi, I thank you for the question and the lovely comment. I hope those episodes that I recommended will be helpful to you. I will see you all next week, where I'll be back with another guest episode. Until then, take care. Happy writing. Thank you for listening to the Write It Scared podcast. If you enjoyed today's show, please make sure to hit the follow button so you never miss an episode. And please leave a review. Reviews help other writers like you find the voices and messages they need to hear to continue to write their stories. Let's lift each other up. Remember, you can be scared and still be unstoppable. I'll see you next week.