What if I'm wasting my time? If I were a better writer, a smarter writer, a better storyteller, or fill in your blank, I would be farther along by now. Hell, I'd be probably be finished, maybe even published. So what does it even matter? So this is the spiral I was talking about. And it happens to more of us, and more often than we probably want to admit. It happens to me. Welcome to the Write It Scared podcast. I'm your host, Stacey Fraser, a formally repressed creative soul, turned fiction writer, story editor, and author accelerator certified fiction book coach. At Write It Scared, we tell the truth about why writing a novel is so hard by acknowledging that most writers grapple with two stories: the one they want to put on the page to the best of their ability, and the often subconscious internal story that prevents them from doing it. This show is designed to help you identify and rewrite the internal narrative holding you back while you discover and write the story you want to tell and learn all the tools to help you do that successfully. Join me each week for a new episode where we'll talk about writing to deepen our understanding of the craft and of ourselves as writers. Writing a novel is an inside job that we do not do alone. Welcome to Write It Scared. I'm glad you're here. Let's dive in. Hi, writer. Welcome back to the Write It Scared podcast. I'm your host, AC Fraser, and today we are going to talk about one of those moments that most writers dread. It's the moment when someone outside your writing life casually asks you, So how's your book coming along? On the surface, it seems like small talk, it's a polite question. But inside, this question might stir up a lot of guilt, a lot of shame, and even lead some of us into that sinking, why bother feeling? And if we're not careful, those moments can chip away at our confidence, at our momentum. So that's why today's episode matters, because I want to help you reframe some of those conversations, not as proof of your progress or lack of progress, but as a chance to stand in your truth as a writer and have conversations about this that don't make you cringe. So we're going to talk about why this question stings, how you can address it, and how you can do it in a way that lets you let go of any doubts and instead leaves you feeling empowered and maybe even educates the non-writers in your life. So you know how it goes when people outside of your writing life find out that you're writing a book. They often ask, so how's it coming? Or even worse, they ask, when can they read it? I hate that question. And a lot of times we're caught off guard and we're fumbling for an answer. We might smile, maybe mumble something about still working on it. And if they've known about this for a while, they tend to twist the knife without knowing it and say something like, Wow, you've been working on that for a long time, haven't you? Yep. Yep, you have. Maybe years. At least that's what has happened to me in the past. So what's going on here? Why do we feel so crunchy when it was just a simple question? Well, here's why. Because underneath the hopefully polite question, and or hopefully equally polite response, lives a mountain of otherwise unseen effort and sacrifice. It's every time you begged off hanging out with that friend or a different friend, every time you paid a babysitter, every time you asked your partner for an hour alone, or skipped a workout, or whatever, just to carve out some time to write. And yet, you don't have anything concrete to show for it. No shiny proof of progress, and damn it, you feel like you should by now. That is when the spiral starts. That slippery, dangerous slope into the land of why bother. And that whybother land is filled with quicksand and landmines and undertoes, that masquerade in the form of unhelpful thoughts like these. Will I ever not be writing this book? Even if I do finish, there's no guarantee anyone will want to read it. What if I'm wasting my time? If I were a better writer, a smarter writer, a better storyteller, or fill in your blank, I would be farther along by now. Hell, I'd be probably be finished, maybe even published. So what does it even matter? So this is the spiral I was talking about. And it happens to more of us and more often than we probably want to admit. It happens to me. But we gotta call BS on ourselves here. Because what's happening in the moment between the non-writer in our life asking us for a progress update and our response of working on it is a feeling of lack, of not enoughness. And it's just not true. Feelings are not facts, and yet I have to be reminded of this. So if you feel like that, you're not alone. But in that moment, we are letting external outcomes or the lack thereof dictate our internal drive. We are allowing our need for approval, for acceptance, and to be seen as producing something of value to determine the worth of our time. We are giving away our power, our right to decide what is valuable to us, and we are missing an opportunity to educate the non-writing world about what this really takes and why it really matters. This is an opportunity to break perceptions. And who knows? Maybe you're talking to a closeted writer. Maybe they've been watching you, admiring you, wondering if they have what you have. The interest, the passion, the dedication, and the determination. Maybe they want it. Or maybe they're just truly curious and being kind. Either way, those who really care, they want to know the truth. And those who don't really care, well, they don't matter. Their opinion of you and what you're writing does not matter. You are not doing this for them. The truth is that writing is hard, and it takes a long damn time to get good at it. It takes practice and dedication. And that is what you're doing. Toiling away day after day, month after month, maybe year after year with your novel. Most non-writers don't know that. They assume, like I used to, that writing a story is easy. It's just putting words down on the page in the appropriate order. But you know, and I know that that is far from the truth. Really, the experience of creating a story, of creating anything, is one of the great testaments to the human spirit. The act of pursuing something, of creating something just because it excites you, just because it lights you up, engages you, and challenges you, simply because of those things, it is enough. The creation has meaning to you. You have the ability and the capability to create your own meaning and values. So don't let your ego strip that away from you. The next time you find yourself bracing when a friend or an extended family member or somebody that's not a writer asks you for a writing update, try telling the truth. Try telling them that it's hard, not because you're lacking, but because writing a good novel takes a long damn time to do well. Tell them it's an art and a skill that requires dedication, effort, and a hell of a lot of bandwidth to pursue. Tell them about what you're learning, what's exciting you. Tell them that you're scared sometimes, that you worry you won't figure it out. Tell them some real-life author stories if you want. Like V.E. Schwab, who wrote the Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, which sold over 2 million copies in the US alone and stayed on the New York Times number one bestseller list for 37 weeks. Tell them that story took over 10 years to plot and write. Or tell them about the book club phenomenon where the Cradads Sing, a debut novel by Delia Owens that held the number one spot on the New York Times list for 32 weeks solid. Tell them that book also took over a decade to write as well. Or don't tell them any of that. But do tell them that, yep, labors of love, just like raising our children, take time, precious time, important time, meaningful time. Tell them that you are grateful that they cared enough to ask. Just don't let them labor under the false assumption that writing a book is easy because it's not. And then go look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you are proud of your efforts, that you see the gains in the idea, the draft, or the revision, and that you see the courage and the heart that it takes to keep going. Remind yourself that you're doing this for you, and that that is enough. And who knows, your example and willingness to be honest might just help another budding writer find their way to the table and enjoy their creativity and be proud of their efforts too. So that's the heart of it. When somebody asks you about your book, it's not a judgment on your worth or your time. Writing a novel takes time and courage and persistence. And you showing up for that work is what matters. So instead of sucking back and shrinking under the weight of the question, how's the book coming along? try using it as an opportunity. Tell the truth about how difficult it is and how meaningful it is. Share what you're learning, or simply say thanks for asking. I'm in the thick of it and it's teaching me a lot. Remember, your progress is not measured by how fast you finish. It's measured by the fact that you keep showing up to do something you enjoy. And that persistence is worth being proud of because you're building an art, a practice, and a story that matters to you. So thanks for tuning in today. I hope this was helpful. And I will be back next week with another guest episode. Until then, keep making meaning and keep writing. Thank you for listening to the Write It Scared podcast. If you enjoyed today's show, please make sure to hit the follow button so you never miss an episode. And please leave a review. Reviews help other writers like you find the voices and messages they need to hear to continue to write their stories. Let's lift each other up. Remember, you can be scared and still be unstoppable. I'll see you next week.