Stop beating yourself up. It's not necessary. Not all resistance is actually something you have to fight. And honestly, beating yourself up for not making fast progress isn't going to help at all. As long as you are staying engaged with the story, you're touching it, you're pondering it, you're nudging it forward, you're noodling at it, then you are doing the work. Welcome to the Write It Scared podcast. I'm your host, Stacey Fraser, a formerly repressed creative soul, turned fiction writer, story editor, and author accelerator certified fiction book coach. At Write It Scared, we tell the truth about why writing a novel is so hard by acknowledging that most writers grapple with two stories: the one they want to put on the page to the best of their ability, and the often subconscious internal story that prevents them from doing it. This show is designed to help you identify and rewrite the internal narrative holding you back while you discover and write the story you want to tell and learn all the tools to help you do that successfully. Join me each week for a new episode where we'll talk about writing to deepen our understanding of the craft and of ourselves as writers. Writing a novel is an inside job that we do not do alone. Welcome to Write It Scared. I'm glad you're here. Let's dive in. Hi, writer. Welcome back to the Write It Scared podcast. I'm your host, Stacey Fraser. Thank you for being here today. We are going to be talking about a somewhat taboo topic in the world in general. You just don't hear much about it and how it relates to writing. And then we're also going to touch on procrastination and resistance and how to stop beating ourselves up when we're not writing. And I also have a tool to help you work through mindset wobbles and other forms of resistance. And I will share that with you today. But first, I just want to take a minute to say thank you to all the listeners for being here. We reached an incredible milestone on the podcast last month, and I blew right by it. Spring was incredibly busy, and yet I harp all the time how important it is to celebrate our creative milestones and our creative efforts. And yet, and yet I did not notice, did not realize that the Write It Scared podcast has been out in the world for an entire year. And that would not be possible without you here listening. It would also not be possible without the authors, the writers, the industry experts who come on the podcast and share their valuable experiences and expertise and their vulnerable experiences with us so that we may grow as humans and writers as creatives. So thank you very much. And to celebrate this amazing milestone and to celebrate you, the listener, I am going to do a giveaway. I'm giving away three 90-minute plot sprint coaching sessions with me, plus a copy of my favorite mindset resource and a bonus surprise. You can enter to win the giveaway prizes by either going to the show notes and clicking on the form, or you can go to writeitscared.co forward slash podcast anniversary giveaway and just follow the prompts, fill out the form, and you'll be entered to win. The important dates to remember are that the giveaway entry form is open until June 11th and winners will be announced on June 16th. And if you're wondering what a plot sprint session is, it's a 90-minute plot-focused strategy session where we roll up our sleeves and dig into your story. So it if you're just in the planning stages or you're stuck in the messy middle, or you don't quite know how the book ends, or you're heading into revision, or you just feel overwhelmed by all your ideas, not sure where to start, uh, we will dig in and clarify your premise and work out your plot points and your character arc and sketch out a roadmap that makes you excited to want to write. And you'll walk away with a clear understanding of your story with tangible next steps and more confidence that you are on the right track. So again, to enter to win the giveaway, you can go to the form in the show notes or you can go over to writeitscared.co forward slash podcast anniversary giveaway. All right, so now let's move on into our semi-taboo topic. I'm going to be talking about what it's like to be a perimenopausal writer. So if you're a woman in this stage of life, I just want you to hear this. You are not alone. And I want to start with this. I believe very deeply that sharing our truth, the raw, the vulnerable, the sometimes ugly truth with the right people can help us heal and move forward. And then when we're ready, we can turn around and share it on a different level with a different intention. And maybe we can help somebody else. So that's my intention today is to reach writers who may be struggling with this issue in the same way that I struggled with it. So I'm 44, and in the last year, I've felt like I've been slowly losing my mind. Like literally, where the hell did I put anything? If you asked me what I did yesterday, I would have to check my planner, both of them, to give you an accurate answer. But what was worse was the inability to find the right words when I needed them at the critical moment. And as a writer, it has sucked. And it has sucked hard. I had felt mentally slower. In many ways, I felt like I was losing my edge. And the mood swings, oh my god, the mood swings. My moods were like a pendulum on steroids. And don't even get me started with the other super fun body stuff that comes with erratic estrogen levels. I will spare you the details. Oh, and let's not forget about the fatigue. The fatigue combined with the frustration of knowing that I needed to eat better, I needed to move more, I needed to drink more water or what have you. But I just didn't have the mental or physical energy to do anything about it, except maybe drink more coffee and feel more like crap about myself. So this went on for a while. And finally I broke down and went to my doctor. And my doctor confirmed that no, I was not crazy, I was not lazy, I was not losing my mind, but I was in perimenopause. And I was experiencing cognitive dysfunction that can sometimes come along with perimenopause, specifically issues with verbal fluency, short-term memory recall issues, trouble with focus. And all of it was due to swinging estrogen levels. And yes, it was absolutely bad enough to affect my work and my relationships. And no, it was not my fault. And also, there was good news. It was temporary. Once I hit menopause, it should resolve. And that could take between two and seven years. But most importantly, there was something that I could do about it. So after I was done being a hot mess and crying because somebody got me and understood me and actually listened to me, then we talked about options and I chose a path that felt right for me. And now I'm on the other side of it. It's been a few months and I'm so much better. The brain fog I was feeling has lifted, and my words are coming back. And my family no longer thinks that I'm a two-headed gremlin, at least not all the time. I still need two planners and maybe don't feel as sharp as I once did, but I continue to improve. So if you're a writer going through this phase of your life, I want you to hear me when I say that you are not alone, you are not crazy, you are not lazy, and there is absolutely hope. This does not last forever, and there are treatment options. So please be gentle with your heart and take care of yourself and reach out for help. All right, let's move on to the second part of today's podcast, which is where we're going to talk about how to stop beating ourselves up when we are not writing. But first, let me ask you: do you struggle with procrastination, perfectionistic tendencies, pessimism, maybe get down on yourself when it comes to your writing? Do you have a noisy or bossy inner critic that tends to get in your way? Do you ever feel like you'll just never move past this place in your story? Or find that you are afraid of what people will think of you as a writer of your book, if you actually write and finish the book you want to see in the world? Do you want to type the end of a story you're proud of more than anything, but you just can't seem to move forward? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then I want you to know, again, you're not alone. I've been in those places, as have many of the writers that I've helped. And those places hurt, they wound. They make us feel like giving up, but we can't do that because we're writers and we're here to write the stories that are inside of us. And this is why I created a tool called the Right Mindset, which is a free workbook and resource guide to help you face your writing fears and overcome your creative blocks. And this tool will show you how to set yourself up for a successful writing experience by learning to manage your expectations and reframe unhelpful internal narratives into positive thoughts and behaviors, and most importantly, into action that will move the needle forward for you in your writing. It will not be easy to face any of these things, but it will be worth it. And I also include my favorite mindset books for writers in this tool. So if you're struggling with your inner critic right now, if you find yourself spinning around procrastination or perfectionism, or you're just not getting the traction you want in your story, download the right mindset. Go to writitscared.co forward slash the right mindset, and it is spelled W-R-I-T-E. Or you can also check the link in the show notes. Now, we as writers and writing coaches, we talk a lot about procrastination and how it creeps in as resistance and keeps us from doing our creative work. Resistance can wear many disguises. It can show up as perfectionism, it can show up as pessimism, it can show up as procrastination or shiny object syndrome. It can look like us delving into more learning, into craft, into listening to another podcast, into attending another writing summit. It can look like us having a really good time with our writing group, but not actually getting the writing done. And if we're not careful, resistance can grab us by the ankles and drag us down before we realize what's happening. But sometimes we mislabel what's actually happening as procrastination when it's not, and we beat ourselves up for not making progress. Sometimes the dawdling and the staring at the screen without typing a word, the wordle break, or the social media scroll, or for me, the just one more level on Royal Match, is not procrastination at all. It's actually percolation. And there's no need to feel bad about it. Because here's the thing time spent percolating is processing. So how can you tell the difference? How can you tell if you're procrastinating or if you're percolating? Procrastination feels like avoidance. It's a feeling of retraction and running and pushing the work away because it's either uncomfortable or overwhelming or feels uncertain for some reason. Now percolation feels more like curiosity, though it can still be very frustrating. But you're not actively avoiding your mulling, you're poking, you're prodding, you're noodling at the problem because you don't know the answer to it yet. And sure, percolation can feel a lot like procrastination because it doesn't look like progress. There's no word count ticking up, there's no scene getting finished. Sometimes you just don't know what happens next or how to connect things to the bigger picture, and you just need to think about it. And there's nothing wrong with that. So this happened to a writer who was in my small group coaching cohort in the spring of 2025. And this writer was writing a scene and she was stuck. And she'd been working on it for a while, but she couldn't see the way through. And it happened right after the Super Bowl, and she complained to me that instead of writing, she did this deep dive into K Kendrick Lamar, and we laughed because I did too, instead of writing. And she also just took time off and she visited with family and had some conversations with her family about some family history, and that was partially related to her story, but she felt like she was avoiding her writing. Now, did some of it look like avoidance on the surface? Little, maybe. But in reality, what was actually happening is that she was giving her brain the space it needed to work through the problem without forcing it. And sure enough, when she came back to the scene, she had a breakthrough. And now that scene is done and dusted, and she's moved on, and she's damn near finished with this draft. So, as I told her, as I will tell you, stop beating yourself up. It's not necessary. Not all resistance is actually something you have to fight. And honestly, beating yourself up for not making fast progress isn't going to help at all. As long as you are staying engaged with the story, you're touching it, you're pondering it, you're nudging it forward, you're noodling at it, then you are doing the work. Now that said, it is still helpful to have accountability so you don't walk off the set completely or stay in percolation forever and get stuck in this cycle of not being able to make decisions. So that's where it's important to check in with the writing buddy. Have a community of writers to talk to, consider working with a book coach. Set a small goal or even a time frame for your percolation. Say, I'm gonna give myself 15 minutes or maybe a few days to just wander and think, or I'm gonna shelve this for a few days to just think, or to not think about it at all and see what happens. Remember, the creative process is not linear, neither is writing. So just give yourself space to figure things out. Don't beat yourself up and the words will come. Thank you so much for tuning in today. I hope that these topics help you to not feel so alone. If you are a writer who is struggling with perimenopause and the cognitive issues that can come with it, please don't beat yourself up. And I would love to hear from you, and I would be happy to share more of my experience with you. If you'd like, you can reach me at my email, Stacy at writitscared.co. And also, please don't beat yourself up if you're not writing. And maybe this will help you see that you're actually percolating and not necessarily procrastinating. And if you would like additional help with your writing mindset, then please go and download the Write Mindset workbook and tool, which will help you face your writing fears and overcome your creative blocks. You can find that link in the show notes, or you can go to writitscared.co forward slash the right mindset. And write is spelled W-R-I-T-E. I hope you have a wonderful day. Again, thank you for being here. Thank you for helping me to celebrate one year of the podcast being out in the world. And if you want to enter the giveaway to win one of the free plot sprint coaching sessions and the mindset resource, um, then you can go to the link in the show notes and fill out the form, or you can go to writitscared.co forward slash podcast anniversary giveaway, fill out the form, and you'll be entered to win. I will be back next week with a new guest, Amy Bernstein, who is going to talk to us all about her fabulous new book, Wrangling the Doubt Monster. And she's going to walk us through what the process was like writing that book and shed some light on how writers can work through their self-doubt and actually be empowered by it. And I can't wait for you to tune in. It was one of my all-time favorite conversations on the podcast. So I will see you next week. Thank you for listening to the Write It Scared podcast. If you enjoyed today's show, please make sure to hit the follow button so you never miss an episode. And please leave a review. Reviews help other writers like you find the voices and messages they need to hear to continue to write their stories. Let's lift each other up. Remember, you can be scared and still be unstoppable. I'll see you next week.